I haven't done a post about my weight in a while. I don't know how much I weigh, I'm not on any medication and I'm not super interested in what I do or do not eat anymore. You can read my initial post on this whole struggle here. I know that I have gained weight. I've been ricocheting between obsession and nonchalance over my body for a few weeks. In the end, my thyroid and full blood count results came back completely normal. There is no medical reason for my larger thighs. It's all me!
In an effort to establish the source of my sudden weight gain, my doctor prescribed what he calls a 'mood stabilizer' that has "anti depressant" labeled all over the packaging. I'm not a fan of medication, especially mind or mood altering things. I haven't taken any of them and I don't think I will or need to.
There hasn't been a drastic reduction in my weight lately. I know myself well enough to diagnose my occasional binge eating as a symptom, side effect or consequence of stress. When I am not happy, I try to eat myself jolly. It's not that I'm UNhappy. A few months ago we were all super stressed over many family related things. I'm hoping that with the wounds well healed and patched that my body will slide and settle back to its usual shape. It just has to. Right?
It's that time of year when everyone seems to be on the latest diet or eating plan. I am all for that - if it works for you and puts a big goofy, happy smile on your face then that makes me happy too. Crash and fad and "no sugar or carbs" things just don't work for me. I mean I could do it, but then three days later I know I'll fall apart and binge and end up in a bad... sad sad place.
The other alternative is eating normally and in moderation, but keeping track of your carbohydrate intake, which is really just no way to live. Also there is a lot of common sense involved here. I still don't want to be eating everything out of boxes and trying to reach my 6000 kilojoules a day from food label to food label. Every mouthful would become this weird science and the romance of food would completely be lost. You can't live like that. Well, I can't.
So right now I'm just going to let my body guide me and be more active and see what happens. We eat healthy meals at home and make good food choices, but we also like to have cake for dinner and Friday night pizzas and our favorite mac and cheese and other general unhealthy stuff. I mean, we could probably slow down on the unhealthy stuff, but just a little bit. What fun is a life without pizza, anyway?
So I'm going to stop caring so much about my weight, and place a little less importance on my appearance. I'm healthy, happy and I generally feel pretty alright. I have energy, I feel feminine and I don't need to be a size 32 / 34 to feel attractive. Work is going super well, the kids are excelling and its almost my little boy's birthday. There are so many great things going on all around me, but I've been too preoccupied with feeling guilty all the time. I won't be talking about my weight anymore. It won't hardly matter at all. Go grab a piece of cake, pour a glass of wine and celebrate yourself for exactly who and how you are - no matter what!
