Another diary of a bad girl trying to be a good girl. I WILL CONQUER THIS.

I'm going to level with you: This post is about exercise. Trying to be thin and *shudder* healthy. DO NOT CLICK AWAY, just give me a chance here. I know, whenever a post starts with "This morning I went for a 5km run." I close that window faster than walking away from a salesperson in a shopping center. I just can't. Those posts are so uninteresting and too psychologically confrontational for me to handle. I do NOT want to know that you woke up at 5:30am to go to gym and how amazing you feel and how thin you're getting. I don't CARE. If your going to gym at 6am in any way makes ME fit and muscular, then cool - lets talk about it.

I have never been a fit, gym or particularly super healthy person. I love salads and fruit and vegetables, I really do but I can flatten a quarter pounder with cheese faster than a bunny to a carrot. While I love good foods and I know how to make them, I will eat two cheese burger pies from a garage without even thinking about it.






















I do both - and somehow it works out. I mean, last night for dinner I made Frys (meat free - bean based) schnitzels with a yoghurt and mint based potato salad, slow roasted rosemary vegetables and a side of cucumber with humus dip. Served with ice cold, lemon wedged water. That is how I make dinners. Then - three glasses of wine later, I'm on the couch after midnight watching Breaking Bad and eating an ENTIRE mozzarella pizza on my own. With tomato sauce (why Natasha - WHY?) 

And I've been trying. The other morning I had a boiled egg for breakfast with a small portion of oats with cinnamon and freshly cut banana. Delicious. Like one hour later I'm on the kitchen floor next to the freezer, eating ice cream from the tub, bar one sauce all over my greedy fatty face. I LOVE food. All food. I love salad and avo and nuts and legumes and sprouts and berries and cheese and wine and I eat well, but guys. I'm getting fat. Not like those skinny girls that are all like "Oh wow I'm so fat" and you want to smack them in face because they're like really just saying that to get attention and point out how thin they are. I am really, genuinely putting on weight here. AND ITS NOT COOL GUYS. 

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So I've been looking at my body lately. Really, really staring it in the eyeballs. A few weeks ago I was in front of the mirror in my undies (what was I THINKING) and trying to be all sexy. You know the vibe. I really pulled my leg muscles for that "cut thigh" look and guys: Nothing moved. I was pulling and flexing frantically and my body was just like "nah... nothing here honey." And I ignored it. Then I became obsessed with it. I am still in my TWENTIES for god's sake - I should still have a trace of primary school netball in there 'somewhere'. 

Between all of this, Graeme has been going to boxing for months - three to four times a week, personal trainer, fitness, sparring - the works. He is looking SO hot and thin and muscular and cut and guys just SO hot. I am now officially the dodgy flabby chubby partner of a super hero and I can't deal. 

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I HAVE thought about doing exercise before, really I have. I have considered it MANY times, but mostly it sounds boring and lame and what old people do so I never got in to it. I am also very lazy. I mean, when you have two toddlers you sit down WHEN YOU CAN, am I right? I am suddenly very interested in being hot and having muscles. So I'm going to tell you what I've been doing, but know that I am mostly not doing it right. I am a BEGINNER healthy and fit person, but my body won't change unless I do, so I am really going for this. Basically I have been doing it for more than two weeks, so its safe to say that the spontaneous phase is over and I'm really doing this. Also, I've stopped drinking Red Bull which is a HUGE deal for me as I used to drink sometimes four cans a day. I know.

1. Go buy a good pair of running shoes, baggy shorts and vesty tops. Leave them in your cupboard for about 7 months until you eventually feel so bad you try them on 
2. Eat healthy breakfasts: Boiled eggs, oats and berries, plain yoghurt, rye bread with peanut butter & fresh banana - something like this
3. Drink water when you aren't even thirsty. Then drink more. Add lemon or orange wedges for flavour if you must
4. Complain all the time about how hungry you are. This will sort of make you feel better about the whole thing. Alienate as many people as possible. You won't need friends when you're hot and thin anyway.
5. Snack on things like cucumber, carrots, hummus, rice cakes, berries, nuts and mini salads. Do not eat ANYTHING unless it contains a fresh fruit or vegetable. Add beans, sunflower seeds and nuts to things.
6. Big meals should be things like veggie wraps, lean protein with roasted veg or crispy salads
7. I am doing one day cardio, one day core - so I am doing one day running or skipping and one day aerobics or fitness workouts. I just find things on YouTube and sort of copy people very badly and probably look very stupid but hey, no one is watching.
8. I am starting with yoga this week - I have NEVER done yoga and don't even know where to start, but I am going to mix it in somewhere. 
9. On weekends, get OUTSIDE and do family hikes, walks and exploring - do movement that is fun
10. Create a Pinterest Fitness Board. Look at mine here. There are loads of infographics on good carbs vs bad and there is an infographic that explains how much exercise you need to do per food item, EG: To work off a MILKSHAKE, you need to jump skip rope for 72 MINUTES to work those calories off. I mean really. Go look at all the cool and scary things I found. 
11. Look at pictures of hot and skinny girls all day long. This is my favourite thing to do. I pin a lot of naked lady bums.
12. Understand that I am NOT a pro or any good at this at all, actually. I mean when I go 'running' I run one road, walk one road, run one road, stop for 20 minutes then walk another road. But I am TRYING and I am doing SOMETHING because I can't just sit here and do nothing, you know? Like maybe that pathetic little 'run' I did worked off one cup of tea - but its SOMETHING, you know? 

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I am going on a cruise next week that has 24 hour food buffets, basically. From what I've read, the cruise is basically all about eating. I really hope that they have a gym or treadmill of sorts on board. I am really freaking out about my body lately which is completely new to me as I've never really cared. Please still love me and read my blog even if I become a boring fitness and healthy person - PROMISE ME! Cross your heart and hope to die. Let's do this.

PSSSST: Please remember to nominate me as one of SA's Best Mommy Bloggers - I'd really super appreciate it! Click here. Kisses!