A few truths and tips on pregnancy and birth and things like that.

Right now, at least seven galfriends of mine are a little bit pregnant. A few weeks / months along and some of them are at the very end.  Expecting a baby is a wonderful blessing and joyous beyond measure, but I did not like the being pregnant part. I un-enjoyed it. I hated it. Loved my baby, but hated my body and the waiting and the worrying and the worrying and the waiting and the waiting. I am not a very patient person. 

I got bad morning sickness (really bad) and there was so much stress and pressure and stuff going on all the time. I am not a happy shiny pregnant person. I get sick, sad, moody, irritated and fat. The hormones also make me a little bit crazy. Think 'husband goes to shops and I'm calling him every half hour to know where he is'. Also think 'burst out crying in tv ads' and 'completely freak out if someone is mean to me, like if the cashier at the till is offiish' It was fun.

Of course it's different for absolutely every person and some gals love every second of being pregnant. I do however, suspect that they are probably lying and messing with society's perception on the whole thing, but hey. Don't take the chick on the cover of "Your Pregnancy" too seriously. She probably hasn't had a bowel movement in four days either.

I have a few set things and bits of advice and 'Tash knowledge' that I mumble to people with large bellies These are little things that I heard / read / learned the hard way somewhere along the line. I am a mother, so obviously I know more about parenting and kids than any other parent in the world. Right?

Read read read, but don't be brainwashed. Everything is not going to happen exactly like the books and magazines say they will. This does not mean that you are a bad mother. This means that the books are unrealistic, especially those parts where it says things like "At eight weeks, your baby will now be sleeping six hours at night".  Please.

For me, salt and vinegar chips and fruit ice lollies was all that helped with morning sickness. Also, eat something small every two hours - the nausea comes with the hunger. Other people do ginger biscuits and rice cakes and whatever it is with you.

If you're set on natural birth, you should know that being induced in any way can result in a truly painful, unnatural experience. Even though you're set on natural, you should still research c-sections just for in case. It doesn't matter how the little bunny bundle comes out - as long as she is healthy. After trying, I am completely comfortable with not being a pioneer woman. I have a thin faded scar on my tummy where my heart came out. I say that to the boys.

Go to ante natal classes just so you can make friends with the midwife that hosts it. Get her phone number. You'll be calling her during the first few weeks to ask about the color of your baby's poo and such. After hours, get the direct number for the maternity ward at the hospital you gave birth at. Ask for the Sister in charge at three am when you're calling to find out why your baby won't sleep. She'll have a good chuckle with the other nurses after she's hung up, but she'll be very helpful and sweet to you on the phone. 

While your friend is bragging that she has only gained  four kg her entire pregnancy, please note that you only gain the bulk of the weight at the end, during the last two months. Don't feel bad. She will also get fat. 

Don't buy too much stuff. Don't buy fancy things. Babies just want to sleep and eat and feel loved. You'll end up buying a lot of things with a short shelf life and you'll be putting it all on Gumtree in six months' time. Buy loads of receiving blankets and babygrows and nappies and wet wipes - the rest can wait until they at least have head control, you know? 

You don't need all the fancy things as per the catalogs in the baby mags, eg Bumbo chairs. I had one, used it once or twice. I used to prop Noah up in a washing basket and Ben used to hang out in a cardboard box from fruit & veg. Slow down on the gadgets. However, you get those powered rockers / swings for newborns with classical music. You need that.

If you have a Cesarean, do this. As soon as you can feel your legs, stand up. Have a nurse or someone in the room, but do it. Take it slow, and even if it takes you an hour to do it, stand and take little steps around the room. The sooner you get those muscles moving, the better you're going to be for the next two weeks.

Buy granny panties. Tight, high waisted bridget jones panties. Slim and trim, whatever - the tightest you can get. Put them on once the babies out and wear those types of broeks for the first two months. They will support your healing and it will push your tummy back in faster. This is probably a good time to tell you that once the baby is out, you will still look about four months pregnant for a few months, so hang on to those maternity outfits

Doctor Whites are GREAT sanitary pads as they have strings and you can layer / stack a few on top of each other

If you're breastfeeding, get a few shirts that button down in the front. Also, thin pads cut in half make great breast pads. You're going to smell like sour milk for a while, so get used to it. The whole nipple must be in baby's mouth when you're feeding, not just the tip. Try not to fall asleep.

It sounds so cool in your mind "The day I bring the baby home, I'm going to be wearing one of my favorite summer dresses etc" No you won't. You will be wearing about two to seven pads and you need heavy duty underwear to keep it in place. Also, take all your least favorite underwear with you in your hospital bag. Ones you don't mind never seeing again.

Don't buy seventeen of the same bottles. Buy one bottle and two or three teats from different makes eg Avent, Nuk etc. I bought like ten of the same bottles, at about a hundred each and Benjamin wanted nothing to do with it. I tried a different teat and he loved it, so had to buy whole new sets. By now you should know that these bottles are about a hundred / hundred and fifty each. Fun times.

You do not need a baby monitor unless you live in a double story / six bedroom house. When your baby cries at three am, you'll hear him. You'll be in his room every ten minutes sticking your finger under his nose (to check if he's breathing) anyway, and the baby will probably be sleeping in a moses basket in his cot next to your bed so really. Don't bother.

You don't have to do everything the same as everyone else. When Noah got too big (and our backs too sore) for the baby bath, we bathed him in the kitchen sink for a while. Who cares? Instead of a big baby bath that is a mission to fill and empty etc, you can really just bath her in the basin or with a wash cloth. You don't need a bath thermometer, if the water is too hot or too cold, you'll hear about it. You don't need a white compactum and nursery furniture - get a good cabinet and book shelf that can stay in their room until they're like twelve years old. Don't buy baby furniture people. You'll need to redecorate the whole room in a year's time with brand new furniture.

The only baby book that I enjoyed was Baby Sense. It's all about your baby's sensory awareness and on how the baby gets over stimulated and needs space and 'me' time and it saved my little mommy life a few times. Maybe another book would work with your family, but my boys are very calm and un-anxious as the book made me very aware of their sensory development. A calm parent raises a calm child (in theory). I never read "What to expect when you're expecting" but I heard it's really good. Read everything you can. It's not nice to think about it, but read the baby CPR sections and on fevers and rashes. 

Don't say yes or no to anything right now. Don't say you will never give a bottle or a dummy or that your kid will only eat organic food, that you'll breastfeed for a year, or that you will work from home with the baby or that you'll attend that wedding when baby is two months old or that you'll fit in to your pre-baby clothes by this and that time. Just rather don't say anything. It will make you feel like less of an idiot when all those things don't happen.

Sterilize an ice tray and fill it with cooled, boiled water. At some point in the day, you will have a need for sterilized ice cubes. Think having a screaming hungry baby and you're waiting on a bottle to cool down whether it be formula or rooibos. Unless you're a perfectly organized mother that has all the baby's liquids prepped and maintained at perfect room temperature all day -in which case we can't be friends.  

My opinion on dummies: Every baby chooses a comfort object. I said that Noah would 'never' have a dummy but he did from about seven hours old to about two years old. His comfort was suckling. It's a reflex and it's soothing. I tried to get Benjamin to take a dummy for months and he just wouldn't. For him, it was a teddy or blankie. As long as there was something close to his face, he slept perfectly. Let your child guide you on what makes her feel better and safer. If your kid doesn't like to suckle then they really won't take the dummy. I think let them make that decision. Some kids really are just dummy / suckling babies.

Other parents. We all judge and we are all judged. Everyone does parenting differently, not even our own mothers agree with 'every' thing we do. It is what it is. You will also have your own moments of "I can't believe that mother is out with that baby in a shopping center at two days old" and "I can't believe that kid is not in a car seat" or whatever your gripes are. You are not a perfect person / mother and you will make mistakes. You get used to it, don't take it personally and acknowledge that you do it too. Don't be so hard on yourself and other people and try not to get defensive. Fact: Most of the moms that read this post clucked their tongues and disagree with at least half the tips I put down.

I'm so excited for my MANY friends that are pregnant right now, and I'll try keep this updated and add more as I go along.