I want to have another baby. I don't know how else to say this. Don't worry about this post being an invasion of my husband's privacy or anything like that - he is WELL aware of my desperation. I am even trying to convince Noah that another sibling is a great idea (he says no). I need SOMEONE on my side right now.
Thing is, we've never really sat down and PLANNED to have a baby. The boys just sorta 'happened'. Noah 'happened' while we were engaged and had already booked and paid for all our wedding things - due in Spring, and little Nu never does anything in half measure. Impatient and eager as always, he claimed his presence that July. Then made us wait. And wait. Until February the following year. He made me wait so long that I downed a bottle of castor oil (NEVER. ever. ever. do this) and went for actual walks. 9 months pregnant. In February. In Johannesburg. I would have given my left boob away if it meant he would come any sooner. We always wanted to be young parents and its been wonderful. Sort of. Mostly.
We didn't have any money. None. We were... 24 I think? 23? I don't know. All I remember is that we had no money. We had just started our careers in our first big jobs post internships, with our first salaries. We rented a nice little townhouse, Noah never wanted for anything, but I had to go back to work pretty soonish to keep his formula and nappies going. This feels like the very longest time ago. It really was. I started this blog when Benjamin was about six weeks old, and we've missed SO much of Noah's babyhood you guys. He was just the very best.
Also, can I just say that us humans are very primitive and uncomplicated creatures. I really want a baby because things are going so WELL lately. Like I'm the mama bird and I know that my nest is safe, the weather is good, no predators in the area or fires or... come on guys I don't know what little mom birds look for in life. I JUST WANT A BABY.
Then. I look and think about pregnant people and being pregnant and everything about pregnancy at all. Also newborns. The first 6 months actually. Weight gain. Not sleeping. Hating myself and my life. Depression. Projecting on to my family. Possible child welfare cases. Maternity clothes. Zits. Breast pads. Sanitary pads. Breast pumps. Sterilizing EVERYTHING. Doctors with flash cards that you have to answer yes or no to. More maternity clothes.
So there are some fine details to work out. Also, how we would afford another baba, how our current children will react - how we would function as a family of three, where the third child would actually sleep and live and what am I actually even thinking?
So there's a lot to think about and basically its a big fat OH HELL NO from the universe (and my husband) right now, but I can't stop thinking about this. I already have names picked out and I figure that the new baba can sleep in our room until we get our lives together and finally buy that big little dream house. I figure that these things have a way of working themselves out. I know that we have so much love to give and that we're great parents. I've always wanted a big family. What would another child mean - how would it change our little dynamic as we've JUST figured it out now? Why when everything is calm and peaceful and great - do I stand here going "Okay, this is exactly what I wanted, everyone is happy, everything is perfect... Now lets change EVERYTHING, quick!" Why do I go galloping in to the night on a three-legged horse with no sword? I don't know. I also don't know how to silence my TICKING BOMB WOMB. Are there pills for this? Can you send me some? Thanks guys.
I loved this post - and can so relate! Not in the "another baby" part, but even just the first baby part!! Something my friends and I talk about a LOT these days! How do you know? How do you decide?? When you get hold of those pills pls send them down to East London!!
ReplyDeleteOh. My. God. Are you me? Am I you?! My little guy has just turned 9 months and I'm finally (finally!) settling into some sort of routine and feeling all, "yeah! I can DO this!"... and along with that, a whole lot of broodiness. I'm all for number 2... hubby is freaking out. On that note, I TOTALLY think you should have number 3. DO it!
ReplyDeleteI can totally relate! Richard and Ruben are 18 months apart, having two babies on napies and on the bottle was tough, but we managed. With Ruben I expected identical twin boys, we lost Xander at birth when they were born at only 29 weeks. Most people said to me that I should be greatfull that atleast we got one, and I was but I had two and I wanted two more babies. With a difficult road travelled with Ruben he is now a healthy little boy with personality as big as a mountain. BUT, the gap in my heart was always there, I wanted three kids! We were coping financially but I always believe that if you wait until you have enough money, you wil NEVER have kids. So I was so broody and above all I wanted a little girl! I prayed and prayed, not to fall pregnant but for my husband to change his mind! One week before I found out I was pregnant with Zoë, I was searching for girls names on the internet. When the pregnancy was confirmed, I started buying pink despite my husbands warnings that it was going to be another boy, I just knew in my heart that it would be pink. Lastly, how did I convince the husband? I didn't, I put the ball in his hands. I had the Mirena put in after Ruben. I had it removed, told him about it about 200 times (sometimes at inappropriate times :) and I said if he didnt want another, he should take responsibility for contraceptive! And that is where our 3rd child comes from. Now, the hole in my heart is healed, although it will always be scarred!
ReplyDeletePoint is, just do it!!! You will cope, financially and emotionally, your boys will be excellent big brothers, your family will be fine and in fact, our third child has actually brought our family closer!
XXX
I love this post. We are totally not ready for children (read: all of a sudden I have suddenly become very "interested" in baby stuff) So far - I'm keeping it under control. Will see how long it lasts.
ReplyDeleteMAYBE - you could start with "two months of no drinking" and see how that goes first... you may change your mind. :)
Che you and Keri are SO ready for children!
ReplyDeleteAgreed! Sophie is 7 months old now and I am already dropping not so subtle hints about number 2! Sophie wasn't a planned baby but thinking about it now, if I had to actually sit down and make a plan there would never be a right time, there's always things to do and holidays to take. Personally I think I would regret not having children more than I could ever regret not going to India or Nepal.
ReplyDeleteI don't have any and am now sufficiently broody :)
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