Hi. This is just me sort of catching up with you, and sort of with myself too.

Hello. I've been posting a lot, but I haven't really been talking - you know? Some days I really take comfort in my blog - some months there are between twenty and thirty thousand of you coming in to my life. That's a lot of people. Some months not so much - but most of you stick around, and I'm grateful. Strange when I write in my journal its for me, but when I talk here its often more rewarding because my words are being felt and noticed by others that mostly feel the same. On the other side, there's something very lonely about being in a big crowd of people. I think I'm having an emotional day. Obviously. 

Things have been... Incredible. I don't get to say that very often, because I'm usually either under or overwhelmed by something / myself. Somewhere along the past few months I've achieved a little bit of balance, and I'm not as hard on myself anymore. I'm not working until the lonely hours as much, and I'm switching off a lot more which I didn't know I needed. I did. 

I've really lost myself in the boys lately - they're so amazing. They're so affectionate and playful, so full of wonder and mischief. I can't get over them, I can't believe how incredibly in love I am. I mean, its not even that I love them so much (I'm their mom, I sorta need to) but I actually really LIKE them too, you know? I really enjoy their company. They make me laugh and amaze me constantly. Yesterday afternoon we took chalk and drew all over the walls and floors outside in the courtyard. They loved it. They drew trees and suns and ghosts (I don't know) all over the walls, and then we drew a hop-scotch board on the floor. I didn't know that Noah could hop-scotch. I thought I'd need to teach him and he just ran off and did it, obviously learned from school or grannies. I stood there feeling a bit empty that I didn't know that my beautiful son could do that. Ben really can't. Guys... He really can't. I tried, and he just bunny-hopped all over the garden, laughing like a possessed person - mostly at himself. 

We've been having lots of tea parties, watching Mr Maker, drawing and playing. I suddenly have all this time. Noah is a full-fledged vegetarian now, so we enjoy creating and brainstorming meat-free meals together. I'm going to do a detailed post on this later - he is such an interesting kid, really. We're also doing lots of words - and I'm trying to teach him to say the longest word in the Oxford dictionary - which we're having a lot of fun with. Noah is 4 and I love teaching him words and their meanings. So far he understands and can explain "Hypochondriac, compromise, irrational, observant, xenophobia... and I forget the rest. His memory astounds me. 

I haven't submitted my Buttons & Honey books because I'm seriously just scared & doubting myself a bit more now. I know that my stories are good and I've written a few more, but I don't feel ready. I'm going to hang on to them for another week or so and really get to know these little characters a bit better. 

Graeme has been working really hard - lots of late nights. My brother Paul is visiting from Joburg and he's moved his return flight twice, so we're sort of trying to make him just stay here now, and never go back. I really love having him here, and just being around him during the day. I'm lucky to have such an amazing and supportive person in my life. We're also working on a few new projects, which I'll tell you about soon. 

I've been working hard and picked up a few new clients, which I'm grateful for. I'm managing for now, and at least I'll have Paul here for overflow and he's able to help me with design and conceptualizing, which is perfect. I've been seeing more of Joburg lately on work trips, and stayed in a bush lodge which I'm still traumatized about. THATCH roof people. On my own. I saw two big spiders in there and something that looked like a small octopus on the wall. Eventually I moved my bed to the middle of the room and slap-kick-attacked myself at intervals whenever I thought something was trying to eat me. Never again. The Cradle of Humankind is beautiful, but man alive I don't want to sleep in it ever again. 

This was all very uninteresting - sorry guys. Its Graeme's birthday on Sunday and then its Benny's birthday next month. He keeps saying he wants a Spider-Man party, then a Superman party so I actually haven't done anything. Meh. I think we'll just go to Spur & I'll get superhero things. That kid loves Spur something ridiculous. Also, Roger rabbit thinks he's a cat. He sleeps at the foot of our bed all stretched out and on his side and nudges our hands for scratches. Man I love that rabbit! Anyway - I have deadlines. Time management CLEARLY still an issue.