A little bit of nothing and a lot of everything. More of that. Right here. Hello.

I haven't been writing a lot lately because I got those two notebooks / journals a while ago. Sometimes I'll sneak out the house with one of them, sit at a cafe by myself and just write. I put my phone away - get away from the kids and I'll just sit there and literally talk to myself for an hour or three. I don't know; saying things out loud to a notebook is just so therapeutic for me. How often are you forced to sit with yourself, analyze your current position / situation / feelings and talk it out until you find a little solution or gain perspective on something? Try it. 

Get a piece of paper, a sharpened pencil and just start talking. How you feel about your marriage, your job, wardrobe, religion, children, friends, weight - whatever. Just shut yourself in and argue with yourself. Reason, forgive, adjust, compromise - you need to spend time with YOU - not 'alone' time reading a book or watching a movie. Those are all forms of escapism. Really look yourself in the eyeball and say your darkest secrets out loud and shake it all out. Then never read it again - throw that piece of paper away, hide it under your mattress, put it in an envelope and in your treasure chest, on your husband's pillow - but just do it. 

After I've had a good session with myself, I feel so relieved. Like a big fat exhale filled with new energy and perspective. So many of my ideas and things have developed in my notebook. I'll sit there and stare at the page and write something like "Now what? What am I going to do about this situation or how can I make more monies and what do I need to achieve before Christmas..." And the ideas and solutions just develop from there. There's a certain romance about sitting alone in a public place with all your secrets bleeding from your fingertips in silence. Like being completely exposed in a room full of people, but nobody knows. 

I can't write like that here as then you'd all know how crazy I really am and trust me neither of us wants that. We'll just keep pretending that I'm normal and stable and no sudden movements from either of us. 

Today I spent the entire day with Noah and Benjamin. We didn't leave the house, we pretty much didn't leave my bedroom. Daddy had Loeries, the award ceremony and a bunch of 'work' things (free parties, lifts, drinks and food - really hard work) so the little squirrels and I just existed together. I was having a very lazy day, so we just lay in bed chatting, eating cereal, watching cartoons on my laptop and reading stories. We napped, I wrote, we played with the bunnies and had a verrrry long bubble bath together - our favorite playtime. You guys had your water guns in the bath and were having a super time shooting me - I was NOT impressed.

I have to add in here - if you're looking for a gift idea for your young boys - girls too: Please get them a torch. We got the boys little torches and they play with them every single day a coconut - long after the novelty wore off. Noah sleeps with his torch by him and uses it at night when making trips to the loo, or sits in a dark room / cupboard and plays. And I can often hear you guys giggling in your room at night, making patterns on your bedroom wall with the beams of light. Also: Binoculars. Noah you love yours and you look so numbingly adorable with them draped around your neck as you play. My little explorers! 

Also quickly: Do your kids like Weet-Bix? I don't know what it is, but Noah and Buns go through boxes and boxes of the stuff. First thing in the morning all day over weekends and sometimes even after dinner in the week too. I make it for them like my gran used to make it for me: 2 biscuits, then sugar. Then you pour some boiling hot water over them - enough until absorbed completely. THEN you only add cold milk. It makes a nice warm porridge-like mess that they can't stop eating. I've even tried to lure them with cereals containing chocolate (because I'm such a good mother), but they don't care. Also 'mountain juice'. It's that Ceres mix juice - orange & pineapple and the container has a picture of a nature valley on the bottle, and a mountain in the background. One day I need to subject you to a lengthy blog post on JUST how long it took us to figure out what they were asking. "We want mountain juice!" *me holding up Oros* ummmm "That is not mountain juice mom. Go get mountain juice" and then one day one of them squeaked and pointed from a shopping trolley and trust me we're all on the same page about the mountain juice now. 

Noah is getting really good at drawing. I took him to a stationery store the other day and he picked out his first blank, 'no lines' notebook the other day. And he got one of those pens that can write a zillion colours - I need to take a picture. I need to take pictures of Noah's drawings, they are so awesome. I need to do a video interview with him about this vegetarianism movement of his so you guys can try help me figure it out. So many people have come forward with delicious looking cook books, meal plans and other solutions to help our little family through this transition with having a non meat eater at home. I would say that its just a phase but its not - Noah has not liked the taste or texture of meat since his purity days. Growing up it was always left untouched on his plate and then when he found out about the blood situation and when I told him he can't give Roger a piece of ham because Roger is meat and meat can't eat meat... Well, that changed everything. I need to sit and work this out, because its completely debilitated our family food routine as he asks about everything now and I can't lie to that sweet face. It's also quite hectic for me when he asks where things comes from and I have to say the words "this is a dead pig" or "this was born and died so that you could eat it." It's HEAVY to say it out loud - I feel so ashamed when I have these conversations with him and then shove a piece of steak in to my mouth. He doesn't judge anyone else, he doesn't really talk about it at all actually. 

I have a lot that I need to get OUT and talk to people about, but I've just noticed its 23:13 and I need to start getting proper sleep. I need to get back in to the swing with my skip rope and download a few workouts. I've been feeling so sluggish lately. Probably all that steak, right? Goodnight friends. Thanks for listening to my thoughts of little importance and being a part of our family. Hope that you'll think about what I said; about writing and talking to yourself a bit more. It's so important. Don't let the bedbugs bite. 

When last did you de-worm yourself and your family? You're meant to do this every 6 months. It's like R20 for one tablet at the pharmacy and is so important for the health of your guts. There are many different kinds of worms and not all give symptoms, so just get yourself cleaned out when you're at your pharmacy again? I need to do a post about this too - because I didn't know about the worm thing until a receptionist at an ER advised me after Benjamin was getting very restless and vomiting for no reason at all sometimes. Anyway - I just remembered that we're all due again, so I hope that you'll do the sweep too. 

I appear to be in a very chatty mood tonight. I've sort of missed having an audience of sorts. Oh Graeme got home in a rather comical state from Loeries this evening. I had such a good laugh. I even took a little video clip of him being incredibly silly and will show him tomorrow to go with that pounding headache for good measure. Shame I did give him a few myprodols, loads of water and vitamin juice before he went to bed. Hopefully he'll be okayish! Hey, he has NINE finalists at the Loeries this year and we'll find out tomorrow night if he's walked out with more Loeries for his collection. Very proud! Oh please remind me to tell you about the social experiment I tried on the boys - I let them play and stay up to see what time they would eventually go to bed on their own. NEVER do this. Will chat about it soon! Okaygoodnight.