Random thoughts and truths for today that won't make sense strung together, but need to be said anyway because this is my blog and I can do whatever I want on here.
I got a new bunny for my birthday. He is a Magpie. His name is Roger because my dad calls all rabbits roger like "I saw a roger in the park the other day". One day I'll have a Tri-Colored Dutch or a New Zealand Red and I'll call him 'Nesquick'.
The Cape Rabbit Show was amazing. I learned so much about my new kit (baby rabbit) and found out that Charlie and Lola are both bucks. Awkward for Lola.
I have incredible friends. I used to have a really not-nice friend, and I'm writing all about friendship psychology later - but right now... Guys; I have seriously amazing and beautiful humans in my life.
The previously sentence probably demonstrated incorrect syntax.
It's my birthday today.
Today marks the first day of the last year of my 20s. The things I've learned, the tears I've cried, hearts I've broken, children I've given birth to, the promises I've broken and the fun I've had. There aren't words, just unwritten best sellers.
I wish I like everyone as much as I love everything that Woody Allen has ever written. I want to pull up a couch and sit in his mind and be captivated by him.
I'm busy reading The 100 year old man that climbed out his window and disappeared. I don't know if I like it yet, but I'm curious.
Noah is settling in to a personality of sorts and it seems like he's trying to make up his mind what sort of kid he wants to be. I wish I could make that decision for him.
I've never been this busy in my life. Ever. I miss not doing anything. I can't remember when that was, or what it entailed. I miss not having a to-do list of any kind. I just want to watch a movie or watch series until 3am without repercussions. I can't stop yawning or eating.
I had such a nice birthday party (part 1) at home yesterday. We have more friends coming over tonight, with champagne. I love birthdays.
I'm launching the biggest giveaway that you've ever seen this week. I don't even know how to emotionally prepare you for what's coming.
We wanted to do this whole 'designer' bedroom for the boys, all Pinterest vibes. We were picking out bedding and Benjamin literally broke down & begged for Spider-Man sheets. Guys it doesn't match ANYTHING and all the wannabe Scandinavian douche bags will recoil in horror, but you know... My boys dig Spider-Man and their room is for them, not for me. I realized how often I'd previously put what I wanted before what mattered to them, and that nonsense stops right here.
Marriage is hard. I love Graeme so much. I've realized how accepting he is of my flaws, but that I judge him on everything he does. I want him to be perfect, and I have so many double standards. Sometimes I take things he does so personally and make it about me and I forget that he's also just a person right here, with a personality, life, flaws and aspirations beyond being my husband and the boys' daddy. He is an individual beyond his job and family and sometimes I forget that. Sometimes I'm scared to let go of the control I pretend I have in case he doesn't come back at all.
I can't control everything, but if I could I really would.
Being real is so refreshing. I sat for hours with my closest friends last night and we just spoke so honestly about our lives, our men, kids, our sex lives, marriage and our flaws. Nobody held back and nobody pretended. We all felt the same way or were going through our own insecurities and it was really special to sit and laugh together without inhibitions.
I wish I knew how to make Benjamin sleep in his own bed. Or sleep without a nappy. Or wake up in a good mood every single day.
I have eaten an entire 2-tier chocolate cake on my own today. I feel pretty nauseated, but it was worth it.
I wish my mom wasn't sick.
I wish that Paul lived in Joburg. I wish that him & Kat could have been at my birthday yesterday and that we could have spent the entire night in our garden talking, drinking and toasting to our late brother Neil.
My high school reunion was cancelled. I was supposed to go to Empangeni to see my dad. I really miss my dad. Why do birthdays always make me feel so sad and emotional?
I feel like I've grown out of a lot of relationships, hobbies and interests. I know that certain areas of your life has a shelf life.
I don't want to be cute or girly or perfect. I find that's a role I used to assume because it gets good reviews, but it's not who I am and not a life that I aspire to be consumed by. I want to be respected, intelligent, wise and well read. I want to know things, feel things and live a life that I can learn from.
I really hope that Grays is making my favorite spaghetti & meatballs with extra napoletana sauce tonight. I hope that Renee & Elaine are bringing enough bubbly.
I really need to copy some of our latest pictures, words and memories across. I haven't been writing a lot because I'm so consumed by our lives lately. Everything is wonderful, exhausting, exciting and challenging right now.
Every birthday makes me more aware that I have an expiry date. Every day, my body is dying. My body has reached it's peak and prime and as of 25 years I have been aging. I'm not scared of dying; I am terrified of not living.
Happy birthday to me and my 29 year old body. Please keep up with me & stay healthy for as long as possible. I promise to give you better food and take you for longer walks. I promise to give you more rest, nourishment and lots of water. We still have such a long way to go together. Right now, let's eat more cake and throw up together.