Guy-s. I've been a busy mama-rabbit. I'm also a mama-bird now, but more on that later. Have I told you and whined about how busy I am lately? Not out-of-control-I-hate-my-life busy, just good and productive, moving-forward busy. I wanted to stop to write a quick note and complain about my two gorgeous and infuriating, amazing boys.
Noah you were a sulky, clingy boy at school last week. We couldn't figure out what the matter was with you! We kept looking for signs and reasons for you being so super weird - checking for changes at home, me looking for signs of trauma in your school drawings, checking you for a fever, your glands. You're a strange boy in the very best way. You will never offer information - I need to be patient and wait for it to come out with you and sometimes at the strangest times. On Saturday we were waiting for daddy in the car - he'd run in to the shops. You had a new toy and Benjamin was being a complete freak in the car, making so much noise and wanting to get out of his car seat and wanting my phone and wanting godonlyknowswhat and among the chaos of me trying to console him from the front seat, you said "Mommy, teacher says that 'the girl' is never coming back to school." And I froze. Remember this story about the girl at his school that he has a little crush on? Apparently she hadn't been at school. I completely ignored Ben (sorry dude I still don't even know what you were freaking out about and sometimes I can only ignore you until you get over whatever it is - that you don't like the color of your car seat or the length of your foot and other exhaustion-induced irrationals) and I texted your teacher to ask about all of this. I really tried not to make a big deal, but I'm not very good at that. Apparently she hadn't been at school for two weeks which explained so much about your hesitation to let go of my leg in the mornings. You really do like her, don't you buddy? Daddy dropped you at class this morning and she's BACK. Apparently you ran up to her and gave her a hug and you guys were so happy to see each other.
Noah you are growing in to such a sensitive and kind little boy. You're so smart and your memory is astounding. You love drawing - you sit and make doodles of your family and surroundings for ages. Daddy has promised to get you your own little book (moleskine) and special pen that is just for you. He said it's just your book and you can keep it with you all the time and draw in it whenever you like. Daddy asked if you'd like that and you looked down in your shy and bashful way and said "yes please". We're going to pick one out for you this weekend and wrap it up nice and special for you. We also went to a beeeeg toy shop on Sunday and we asked you guys what you wanted and that you could pick something and you chose a xylophone, a harmonica and a little drum. You and Bunny have been making beautiful 'music' together. I love that you chose musical instruments over spider man, cars, action figures and helicopters.
Benjamin! I am using my best cross mommy voice here. Dude, you are being IMPOSSIBLE. You are the most infuriating little naughty that I have ever met. You are going through this major 'no' phase. Major completely ignoring me phase. You won't get out of bed in the morning, especially now in winter. You freak out over everything. You're so damn cute and soft and gentle so it makes it even harder to get annoyed with you, but man alive I will get you back in line eventually. You are so sensitive over everything right now - not because anything is actually wrong, but because you're just being ridiculous. Over everything. Like last night, Noah picked up a sponge and you had a complete meltdown because obviously as he picked it up you decided that you wanted to pick it up too. When I say meltdown, I mean it took me an hour to calm you down. I had to wash you against your will, dry you, dress you and try brush your hair and get you in to bed with no cooperation while you had a complete emotional breakdown over a sponge. Somewhere along all of it I just burst out laughing because it was actually just hilarious how irrational you were. This made you cry more. I'm sorry. You're at this stage between toddler and boy - you're almost three (!!) and I guess I need to hang on to your silliness for as long as I can. The other night you sat at the fire and played the harmonica and made up a song about a crayfish. That was crying on a boat. Because he wanted his mommy. You make my heart physically ache in it's deepest parts and I love you but it's not okay to dig steak knives out the drawers and try cut up an apple by yourself and it's not okay to cry for forty-five-minutes because I won't give the knife back to you.
Both of you take too long to do everything. Jussie you guys can phaff. It takes you for-freakin-ever to get out of the house in the morning. Then in to the car. Then out of the car. Then in to your class. Fetching you from school has become a brand new obstacle course, but I love your happy little excited faces when you see me. Noah you've taken to reprimanding us when we take too long to fetch you, same as I used to moan at my dad. I was always the last kid to be fetched from Dolfyntjie (little dolphin) and I really am trying to not put you in that box - I promise. Can you just work with me and get your gorgeous little bum dressed and ready in the morning? I have never met anyone in my life that takes that long to get ready - not even the queen of hearts.
I love having two boys. I love having them at this age gap (22 months apart - one calendar year apart eg when Ben is in grade 1, Noah will be in grade 2) and even though the first year as hard as hell, it seems like a new little chapter has started. The two of you are playing together so well - you can spend hours just playing in your room, watching movies together, building train sets, making music, looking at books. It breaks my mommy heart. You do absolutely everything together - you share a room with two single beds and we've even pushed your beds together to make one big bed for you. Some nights you sleep right up against one another. You bath together, eat together, play together, go to school together - you are like mash and gravy, bacon and eggs, cheese and toast. I love watching you grow up together. I love watching the little acts of kindness and affection between you, watching you share, love and consider one another. Sometimes I even love watching you fight and tussle and scuffle and we mostly leave you to fight it out. Noah you used to be a lot bigger than Ben and now you guys are the same size and it's interesting watching the dynamic change between you. You've learned to use your mind instead of your body to overpower him. Like usually if you wanted a toy Ben had, you would just take it. Now Ben defends himself and has a good grip so now you try reason with him "Ben if I can have a turn with that toy, then you can have this one" and sometimes you manipulate the socks off him like "Ben, look there! A dinosaur, in mommy's room" and Ben is gullible and gets up and abandons his toy for you to take. Don't think I don't watch you.
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| Watching movies on my laptop in Stanford |
I'm loving this age that you guys are at right now. I love that you still jump in to bed with us in the middle of the night, that you hop on to our laps for cuddles and hugs, that we still mean the world to you and that your eyes light up like disco balls when you see us.
It's okay that you're noisy. It's okay that you argue, fight and it's okay when you're completely unreasonable. It's okay to freak out sometimes and have little tantrums and it's okay if you make a killer racket 'catching dinosaurs' at 6am when it's still dark. I need to play with you guys more and cherish these times with you. It's okay that you're not perfect, and I don't need you to be. I just need you to know how damn much I love you.
Bigger than table mountain. Ten times everything you say.
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