The past two months have been... Hard. I expect it's still going to get even harder and somewhere along the line things might get better. I am blessed with two stupidly beautiful sons, a caring family, incredible friends and a bustling career. My life is bursting like the microwave popcorn that you left in for too long. I've been doing a lot of sulking, arguing, trying, then not trying. I've been angry. I've been in tears. I've skipped washing my hair and I've almost completely eaten myself out of my wardrobe. Things got real.
I'm still trying to figure everything out and squeeze myself in to this new life with new rules and it's like I've been stopped at the airport because I forgot my ID at home. It's like you know those revolving doors at shopping centres and you're standing there watching it -waiting for a gap. Or timing your step before you get on an escalator and like when you were small and your mom bought you a packet of simba chips with no tazo in it. Like you got the diaper baby whose nappy didn't change pink, but blue. YOU ALREADY HAVE ALL THE BLUE ONES. It's like getting to class and everyone's talking about a test you didn't know about. It's like when you lose all your goonies and favorite milkies to the kid you hate the most, it's like getting to school in your uniform on civies day. It's getting home from school to watch ktv and the cricket's on. It's pouring sour milk in to a cup of tea you've been waiting for. It's nothing. It's everything. It will stop, and then the next thing will come and this is just how it goes.
I've been spring cleaning and organizing cupboards - KIDDING, I've mostly been laying in bed with unwashed hair watching Greys and eating toasted cheese with tomato sauce. When my kids are with me, I've been playing, laughing and cuddling. I love them so much, they're such kind and generous souls. They're doing so well and haven't changed a bit. Their joy and enthusiasm is so contagious that you fall a little bit more in love with them every day. I'm not perfect at everything, but man alive I did *those* two things just right. I'd like them to keep things out their noses, not smack each other and not splash ALL the water out the bath EVERY night (like really guys - why?) and I'd really like them to sleep through the night every night and only wake up after 7am and then 10am on Sundays, but they're mostly perfect kind of.
I've been going out and meeting people. Making friends. My comfort zone is so far gone, you can't even find it on Google Maps but I'm here. Everything's sort of awful but sort of okay. In happy news, my brother Paul is in town and arrives at ours this afternoon. He's been worried about me, so I am practicing my best sad face so that he'll stay longer. Must. Not. Slip. Up. And. Smile. Seriously though, I am so keen to just couch it with him, watch life altering movies and eat toasted cheese sandwiches together. I love how much closer we have got over the years. Also, Paul takes amazing photographs and I've practically been starving myself for a week. Not really. Justalittlebit.
So I got myself a little haircut yesterday, and I'm currently creating a mood board for our little 'shoot' and pretty pictures I'd like of me while I'm still in my 20s and not completely unattractive and still fit in to size 10 (fine 12) jeans. I love Marilyn Monroe because she is so natural and I'd like pictures of just me being me at home and then of the boys too. They don't need a mood board though. They're ridiculously handsome looking things, bless their little bums. Mama's new hair, selfies and mood board!
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