Confessions of a working mother, and falling off tightropes in general.

The past three or so weeks have been intense, and exciting. Things are changing all the time but the one thing that stays constant is the mad love I feel for you boys. On Friday afternoon we went for a walk, did some shopping, danced like crazies to the Grease soundtrack and all got in to bed together to watch The Sound of Music (again). It was so special to hang out, just us and catch up on your ever-changing personalities and quirks. Everything has settled down again and a little bit of normalcy has been restored at home. I just wanted to hop on here for a minute to say thank you for being such strong little captains. Thanks for listening to the nanny, your teachers, your grandparents and everyone else that helped us push through the past few weeks. 

(A special thanks to Claire for helping with school trips, support and for cheering me up in general when I threatened to leave society and move to the woods - general panic talk)

I wanted to tell you guys that I've started saying no. I've started saying no to flying out for events, traveling and doing work that doesn't benefit our family. I've stopped bringing my laptop out before your bed time. While I say that you come first, I need to mirror it with my actions, something that I've been slipping up with lately. 

I've broken so many promises to myself regarding your upbringing. I promised that you would never have a dummy, bottles, McDonalds for dinner. I said I'd be there for everything - at every netball match my parents missed when I was ten years old. I made promises to you back then, before I'd even met you. 

I've got applications open here to study two more courses and a few more opportunities are squeezing through the door, and I've got all my weight against it. While I will get to everything, I need to plan better. I need to set rules for myself and for you, and we need to somehow do all of this together. Tonight I'm going to sit down and make a big list. I'm going to ask you guys what you would like to do this year - activities, extra murals and day trips. I'm going to tell you what I'd like to do and we'll work it out as a team. 

A little story: The other night, you (Noah) INSISTED on chocolate sticks, one of your new favorite things. When you got in to bed with them, you wanted to have bunny milk (Nesquick) too. I said well if you're going to have so much chocolate, then you should have water with it, you can't have sweets with sweets like that. You 'refused'. I said well Noah, a compromise means that we must both be happy. So you having chocolate sticks makes YOU happy, but you having water makes ME happy. You thought about it a while, and happily took the water bottle without a word. Always worrying when you take instructions so easily. 

Two nights ago, I asked you to pick up like five pairs of shoes you'd strewn across your room, and to please put them back in the cupboard. You asked "Mommy if I pick up the shoes, what will you do to make me happy - like a compamise?" So now EVERYTHING is about compromise with you, and I really do regret telling you about it. I love you anyway, and always - both of you.