Mommy's Day Out. No boys allowed.

I hate to sound whiny, and I am not a fan of the "My life is so hard as a mother" blogs / articles, but man. It really is... It's not hard - it's just exhausting sometimes. I always say "If you're not tired, you're not doing it right." 

I am completely aware that my blog is very... Shiny, and happy. Maybe I make being a mother look really easy, but it's not like that. I don't want the boys to read this blog in a few years time and feel guilty in any way. My focus here is to keep a pretty, happy little memoir for them - I'll eventually delete all the product reviews and irrelevant things and print this blog out like a photo book filled with beautiful memories of our little adventures, their first school concerts, Benjamin's first trip to the beach and things like that. When we had Noah, I got one of those 'Baby's First Year' books and for every month there was a section where you could fill out how many teeth they had that month and if they had eaten solids and you could add one picture and I was like no. Just no. I'm way too sentimental for that and why is he even going to care what his sleep pattern was when he was three months old?

Boys, being a parent is not easy. By far the most joyous element of my life, but you guys have crazy amounts of energy and sometimes I don't want to spend an hour talking to you about why it is not okay for the bunnies to have a bath with you, despite your tears and efforts. Sometimes there are other things that I would rather do than try get your dinner in to your tummies.

For me, there are only really two elements to parenting that I don't enjoy at all. Something that I wasn't expecting. Something that you will go through too.

1. The constant fear and worry. The smallest thing like visiting a friend. You see a regular house and all I see is a balcony, a swimming pool and stairs. Tables with glass tops, cleaning products in bottom cupboards, dogs, open doors that could lead to the street, the driveway. All a mother sees in these objects is possible danger. I am always aware of you, even when I'm not with you. Are you safe? Is the nanny holding your hand when you cross the street? Is Benjamin trying to jump off the top bunk again? Is Noah trying to unlatch the front gate again? I worry. Even when I don't need to, I do. Am I doing as much as I can to keep you loved and safe? 

2. Bedtime. I cannot wait until you guys voluntarily, silently, struggle-free go to bed by eight pm. I am fine with everything else - changing nappies, bathing, running, cleaning - for me bed time with two toddler boys is something that exhausts me. And I feel guilty as I know that I work full time - you don't get enough 'mommy' in your day. I know that you miss me, so some nights we play and some nights Noah is in bed with me watching movies until ten pm because I miss them too. 

On Saturday I decided to give myself the day off. I called the nanny to come in at mid morning and said fond goodbyes (darted out the door) to you and left the house with nowhere to go. You just know when you need that time, that space. I wandered down to the station and took a forty minute train ride to Kalk Bay, all along the coast. I read, I stared out the window, I watched the others on the train and wandered where they were going and what their stories are.

I walked the sunny streets of Kalk Bay and put my phone off. I browsed through antique shops and I spent at least two hours paging through Life magazines from the forties and fifties. They were quite expensive, so I had to make a good selection. I managed to get a 1954 edition for my dad (the year he was born). I made a point to do everything that I cannot do with a pram & toddler. I sat at a sidewalk cafe watching street musicians, sipping on cocktails in the afternoon sun with no sense of urgency or concern. I am completely fine dining or being at restaurants on my own. Considering that I'm not even alone when I go to the loo sometimes, being alone anywhere is something that I am really okay with. You try shaving your legs with running commentary from two toddler boys. 

I met a friend for a late lunch at Polana and celebrated my 'me' day with even more cocktails and seafood platters, watching the waves crash on to the windows, the fishermen returning to the harbor and the seals having a swim nearby our table. It was heavenly. Being able to sit and eat from start to finish without interruptions or cutting up someone else's food is something truly special for any parent. Noah usually needs to go to the wee wee as soon as my food is put on the table. At Spur. -which I am sick to death of (sorry Spur, but hey - my kids like you) 

Every mother that reads this blog, please do this for yourself. Run away from home if you need to - say you're doing to shop for groceries and just take off for an afternoon. When I got home I saw my kids with a fresh heart, more energy and that little bit more bounce in my hop. 

While we're on the subject - have you read the blog on the mom that went on strike? Jessical Stilwel. My goodness she is brilliant. You need to start at "And so it begins" and read up from Day One, Day Two etc. It's so witty, genius and hilarious -Laurie you will love it! Happy reading and happy time-outing (in a good way) everyone.