Wiggle. Nu. Noah. You are making this transition from toddler to boy right now. I feel like we're all changing - and adapting. Your levels of patience with your little brother makes my sun shine. He is changing from baby to toddler and you are loving him so much. You're playing 'daddy' with him and teaching him tricks and proper ways for little boys to be and I love it. Yesterday morning you were adamant that Ben had to come and sit WITH you at your table and eat cereal with you. Benjamin was wandering all around the house in avoidance and you were so patient. You love Charlie and Lola, the rabbits. You go fetch them outside and put them on our bed and you just sit there and stroke them and chat to them for ages.
You've developed a little temper. You've started sulking. The other day daddy (lovingly) stole the last biscuit off your plate while walking past you and you got so mad. Of course, I completely understand. I get irritated when he does those things too. You have to keep your wits about you, but you'll learn. Man you got mad. You marched to your room, sat on your red chair and refused to come out. You just sat there with your pumpkin frown and your arms folded across your chest. Sulking something terrible. Nothing could lure you out - not even more biscuits. You wanted 'that' one, the one in "daddy's tummy". I love how you're standing up for yourself that way.
All that you want in the world is to watch Pinocchio. Every night. It's our winding down session, after dinner and playing and cleaning up. We sit on mommy & daddy's bed and watch Pinnochio and every night I have to reassure you that you will (really) not turn in to a donkey. When you see that Ben is naughty you say "Beeeen.... I can see your ears!" and try convince him that he is turning in to one.
I love to joke with you. I say all sorts of silly things to you like "If you don't go to bed, Captain Hook might come" which really is the only threat I have. You are not scared of mommy or daddy or time outs but man alive, you are not a fan of Captain Hook or Peter Rabbit's Mr McGregor (that put Peter's dad in a pie - Beatrix' story, not mine). When I tease you, you get freaked out for a second, then you tilt your head and ask very seriously "Mommy are you just playing with me?" and I can't help but laugh. You're such a sport, we make up the craziest scenarios together.
You're a lot of fun. You love games and stories and play pretend. You love being chased. You love it when daddy puts on the rabbit mask and does his dinosaur (bunni-saurus) impression. You like hiding away. In boxes, cupboards and behind doors. "Where's Noah....?" is definitely your favorite game.
You're testing boundaries and pushing limits. You're becoming a little boy and you don't like being told what to do. Everything needs to be your idea. You love strawberries and muffins and cereal. You love raw foods and man alive you love peanut butter toast with sliced banana on top. You live on home made rooibos iced tea. Tinker and Tanker is still your favorite story book, that belonged to my late brother Neil. You point at where he'd written his name in the book and you say "Neil" and I can see that you understand. I wonder if that's why you love the stories so much.
You're sensitive, in a good way. You're aware of emotions and people and your surroundings. Sometimes you make me so mad - when you're just not being yourself. Sometimes I make you mad. Sometimes we have long talks about what annoys us about each other, but that's all you want - to understand. I love getting to know you a little bit more every day. I'm sorry that I get mad sometimes, I'm sorry that I shout as often as I do, but it's scary for mommy. You're growing too much and it's like your body is ahead of your brain and I'm trying to get you to understand things, but you're too fast for me. I'll try harder. Sometimes you're like a wild horse that needs to be broken in.
I need to take you out for a nice lunch again, just the two of us. Maybe we'll get a milkshake and go down to the train station and watch them go by. We can go get groceries after and I'll let you get the little kiddie trolley, even though it slows the process down so much, I know how much you love it. I'll stop rushing so much and be more present.
I wish I could keep you where you are right now. Why do little boys have to grow up? I want to remember all of this - who you are now. You're a sweet, beautiful, strong little boy and I love the sh&t out of you. Just slow down, okay? We can pinkie-promise on it later.