My week with Marilyn. Apparently.

Before I say anything else, let me say this: If I was an actress (no matter how good or awful) and someone asked me to play Marilyn Monroe: I would decline the hell out of it. The pressure would be too much, the expectations too high. I know that I could never ever play someone so just... Wonderful.

Now that that's out of the way, I also want to say that I would not have chosen Michelle Williams. She is fantastic, and I love her. Especially in Blue Valentine. Really, she is great. I would not have chosen such a naturally dark, downbeat actress. I am no movie critic, and I don't really know what I'm talking about, BUT... Yes I think that Marilyn was dark, but this 'dark' is just not fitting for me. Sure I never knew the lady personally, but for me, this doesn't fit. It's awkward. It's forced. I would have chosen someone that is naturally a bit messed up. Like, Gwyneth Paltrow totally convinced me that she was Sylvia Plath. Completely. You know? I felt it. The darkness, the inner struggles, the border between satisfied and depressed ; the jumps between normal and not normal. I felt it. Saw it. Believed it. I don't care for the look-a-like factor, I care for the feel of it. I'm not getting anything. Although I haven't seen the full movie.

I don't mean to be Miss Negative here, but anyone that knows me, knows how much I adore her, Marilyn. How many books I've read, documentaries and movies I've watched. Little theories that I have, and how I adore her quotes. I feel a closeness to her that I can't explain. I'm sure that every girl does. Hey did you know that she died on five August, my birthday? At every birthday I feel a bit sad about it. Isn't that strange? To feel so sad about someone I never met. When I was little, I asked my mom why Marilyn killed herself, and my mom said it was because she was losing her looks. That always stuck with me, and even then, at about aged ten, I wondered why looks were so important... That someone would actually kill themselves over it. Although I realize now that my mom was a bit silly in her theory, I always wondered about this lady that killed herself because she was so afraid of not being pretty.

I look at Michelle Williams in this and I just feel anxious. Like I can feel how hard she is trying, I can see every hand gesture and mannerism that she has tried to copy. I can hear her voice drop unnaturally. I haven't seen the movie yet, but I think I watched the trailer seventeen times. The only part where I am convinced is at the end when she says "Should I be her?"