House breaking

I have been avoiding potty-training my 2 year old for months. I just could not deal with it and a newborn at the same time. I thought I would avoid it all-together and let Noah's school deal with it when he started. But now I want to put off putting Noah in school until he is three. So that idea is dead.
Now Benjamin has settled and having two kids in nappies and wetwipes at the same time is not ideal.
Problem is, I have never attempted to toilet train a human being in my life. I don't know how it works and I have no idea how to do this.

I thought it would be a good idea for Graeme to take Noah with every time he went "wee-wee" so that Noah could get to know the process. Seemed like a good idea. Except of course that Graeme is a standing-wee-wee-man, which little is unable to do for a good few years.
Tonight Noah had his nappy off and we placed him on the toilet, on a little toddler-adapter seat with handles at the side.

Noah is on the toilet. I am sitting on the edge of the bathtub trying to encourage him.
"Noah wee-wee now"
Problem is, we call his boy-parts his wee-wee so every time I tell him to wee-wee, he proudly points at his thingy, bragging that he knows where that word is located. So we are already having communication issues.
"Yes, the wee-wee makes a wee-wee"
He is still pointing and exclaiming.
Right.

I thought maybe I am giving him stage-fright and attempted to leave the bathroom.
"No, mommy sit" and he points to the edge of the bath.
Now there are better things that I like to do on a Sunday night, and I am not a patient person as it is. But I sat, in support of his "wee-wee".
Fifteen minutes later I abandoned the mission, and left the room. It seems that Noah got off the toilet and proceeded to pee on the bathroom floor.
Now, after having recently house broken a puppy, my immediate reaction was to roll up a piece of newspaper, rub Noah's nose in the wee and give him a smack on the bum.
Of course, I can't do that, but I am very sure that it would work the same.

Instead I took Noah to the scene of the crime and tried to explain to him that his spill was good, it was just in the wrong place and such. He didn't seem too convinced. Heaven help me.