I used to be really big on Fridays. Right now it's about 8pm and I am drained. I feel like a bunny that's really just lost it's bounce.
Even the glass of wine next to me is standing untouched. I need a break.
I've spent the past 4 months at home, giving it my all to my bundles. I am physically & emotionally done.
I think it's a lie that children "fulfill" your life. Like they're supposed to be all you need in the world. It's not true.
Some days (not all), especially between 6 and 8pm, I watch the clock like it's nobody's business. I really just can't wait for the kids to go to sleep so that I can do something for myself. Something I enjoy. Something that requires some level of personality on my part. Like a reward. Because I have focused my entire day on other people, for the 120th day in a row at this point.. and at the end of it, I really just want to try remind myself who I am.
I'm going to go away for a few days. I want to sleep one full night. I want to wake up after 5:30am, I don't want to feed, bathe, change, cook for or clean up after anybody. I want to read a book from start to finish. I want to watch a whole movie in one sitting. I want to be able to sit down to dinner. Have a conversation with someone about something really interesting. I want one day without watching Winnie The Pooh & Teletubbies or hearing "Twinkle Twinkle Little Star".
But I know what will happen. The first hour in, I will miss my boys and even miss the Teletubbies.
Noah and I were cuddling in bed just now talking about his day.
"Do you remember the beetle in the garden?"
"Beetle ouchie"
"Yes be careful of ouchies. Did you help Alice clean the pool?"
"Winnie the Pooh!"
"No the pool where we swim?"
"Swim!!!"
"Aaaand remember when Tee-Tee (the cat) was in the tree?"
"Tee-Tee up!!"
"Ok you must go to sleep baby.."
"No mama. Sorry mama"
"Do you love mommy?"
"Yessh"
Still going on holiday though.